Saturday, August 16, 2008

Phelps Acknowledges He Found Earhart

Beijing --

The mystery to the disappearance of Amelia Earhart has drawn many conspiracy theories--yet today, it appears to be solved.  According to sources, an inebriated Michael Phelps told a crowded popular Beijing bar that he was the found the body of Amelia Earhart on Gardner Island, where many experts believed she crashed.  She was still living at the age of 118 years old.  Phelps, during a transglobal swim to warm up for his gold medal race at 3 am EST time, said the old Earhart just said, "Do you have any beer?  Then leave me alone..." at which point Phelps swam back to Beijing in order to compete yesterday.  

Many experts were skeptical of Phelps' claim--however, upon further investigation they discovered Earhart themselves, exactly in the place where Phelps claimed.  Historian Mark Smeggly released this statement: 

The discovery of Amelia Earhart is both a blessing and a marvel.  Thanks to the help of Michael Phelps, historians such as myself can now continue the investigation of her final flight, which up to this point has been a stalemate.  When we reached out to Earhart, and suggested we bring her home, however, she was thoughorouly confused (possibly by our modern appearance) and shot 2 of my companions.  She will remain on Gardner Island, with little to no contact.  

Earhart refused comment for this story.

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