Sunday, August 17, 2008

Commish Selig Declares Cubs 2008 Champs, At Phelps' Request


The Chicago Cubs have been haunted with the lack of a championship title since 1908, until today when MLB commissioner Bud Selig preemptively declared them the 2008 World Series Champions. This came after Olympic champion Michael Phelps told Selig that the beleaguered Cubs move to the top, and the rest of the season be cancelled. Of course, this decision has come under much criticism by sports writers, as well as other Major League teams and players, even though the Cubs have the lead in their NL Central division.

"It was time to make this happen," Selig said. "I called Michael to congratulate him on his staggering medal total this year, and asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He responded in kind with several things; one of which was to have the baselines replaced with moats, and the latter was the matter of the Cubs." Selig said he could make no change to the baselines, as Alex Rodriguez said it would tire him out too much, and therefore leave him little energy to cheat on his wife.

Selig also said that Wrigley field would now be named "UB-40 field" after Phelps' favorite band. When reporters asked why Phelps did not request his hometown Orioles be named champs, he replied, "The town already has me..."

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